Roger Knows
by KJL
Summary: Roger knows. Roger always knows. Roger knows everything. Except how to show Mark he loves him. Rated M for language and a sort of kind of love connection. Mark/Roger.


**A/N: Soo this is like the second time all year I've felt like writing, and it's also my first RENT fic. I haven't ever gotten to see the play, but I've seen the movie about 6 bazillion times. Well, maybe 60, but who's really counting? It's Roger/Mark-centric, mostly emphasis on Roger. Because I love Roger. :D**

Roger knows. Roger always knows. Roger knows everything. Roger knows that someday he'll make it big and he and Mark will get the hell out of Scarsdale and find beautiful girls and live their bohemian dreams to the fullest while keeping lofts next door to each other. Roger just knows.

Mark knows that Roger is the best fucking rock star he's ever seen. Mark knows Roger has all these plans, and Mark also knows Roger will be the first one to give up on them. Mark knows who Roger is. Mark knows that it's best to have no misconceptions about Roger. Roger is the bad-ass flavor of the week rock star of the year and Mark knows that. Mark knows he still has to stick by him, because Mark knows he is the only key to reality Roger's ever had.

* * *

Roger knows Maureen hit Mark harder than he'd ever admit. Roger knows he really fell in love with her, Roger knows that it pretty much devastated Mark, and Roger knows a good friend probably wouldn't laugh about Joanne and giggle when Mark's dad leaves messages about his lesbian ex-girlfriend. Roger knows a good friend would have probably given their best friend a hug instead of passing off one of those awkward pat on the back things that Roger and Mark are getting so very good at.

Mark knows April was bad for Roger from the very beginning, and he knows a good friend would've tried to stop the relationship from happening, but the thing is, God knows Mark tried to get them to split up about a million times, sometimes even by devious measures, and Mark knows it was something Roger had to get through himself. Mark knows that even now, sometimes, Roger starts thinking about smack. Mark knows how damn hard it was to try to keep Roger in the loft during his withdrawal, and how fucking cold it was at 3 am in January searching for him. Mark knows he's the best friend Roger's ever had, because that was the wheedling Mark always knew preceded begging for one more hit.

Roger knows Mark is undoubtedly the best friend he's ever had, because he knows no-one else would ever hold him down on the couch while he's shaking and ready to throw up at any second. Roger knows no-one has ever stuck with him as long as Mark has, and Roger knows if he hadn't ever been with April and those goddamn dirty needles of hers, he wouldn't have HIV and that'd be one less fucking medication to take every day.

Roger knows Benny will always have another shitty deal for them, and he knows he'll always go back on his word. Roger knows Mimi goes back to Benny for just about anything she can't get out of Roger, and Roger knows Benny never accepted being Mimi's Number 2, no matter that Benny was having an affair in the first place. Roger knows it was probably a mistake to ever trust Mimi, but she was so damned adorable with her big eyes and her cute little smile and her dancer's body.

Roger knows it's a mistake to get attached to anything or anyone anymore. April's gone, Angel's gone, Mimi's gone, he and Collins are going to die eventually, and that leaves Benny, Mark, and Jo and Maureen. And Roger knows that Joanne and Maureen will be okay. Not great, maybe, but okay. Benny, for that matter, will go back to his wife, Allison Grey of the Westport Greys. And Roger knows Mark will be left on his own again, like he always has been. And Roger knows that hurts his soul more than the thought of hurting a best friend should.

* * *

Roger knows Mimi wasn't the reason he wrote that song Your Eyes. Mimi knows it was always about Mark. Roger doesn't know how Mimi knew so much before he had even figured it out in the slightest bit, but Roger knows that's how girls are.

Mark knows Roger loves him. Mark knows they don't have to be happy gay lovers and hold hands in the streets and dance around in the snow because that's not the way they are. That was Angel and Collins' thing, and Mark knows there's no way Roger will ever dance in the streets. Unless they find a cure for AIDS all of a sudden. Mark knows they're always working on it, but sometimes Mark wonders who the hell "they" are.

Mark knows Roger is always going to be on top in this relationship, figuratively and literally. Roger knows Mark is okay with him always needing to be in control, and he's glad for it. Roger knows that Mark likes the soft touches, and Mark knows that Roger tries hard to provide him with the comfort he needs, even though he knows Roger has never been comfortable expressing his emotions.

Mark knows Roger loves him.

Roger knows Mark loves him.

Roger always knows.

But Mark always knows just that one fraction of a second sooner.


End file.
